Kitchen, kids, knitting and more...

Women are often associated with the 3Ks- kitchen, kids or knitting, leaving less room for a role beyond. Growing up I saw my mother and grandmother working day-long; cooking, cleaning, taking cognizance of the home setting in its minute detail, but hesitant of the most trivial of roles that demand stepping outside her comfort zone. This 'comfort zone was never her choice. It is a social construct which demanded her to fit in. Withdrawing money from an ATM or travelling alone to a far-away place, all seemed rather perplexing, forcing her to a second thought. I know she is a proud mother yet I was curious to know whether she saw herself in any other role if given the option. What kind of a life did she want for herself? This thought never seemed to apply to her in the last 48 years of her life. Taking a moment to put her thoughts together, she concluded she would have opened her bakery or a food joint, for 'the love of feeding people'. 

This made me wonder whether her choice of cooking and feeding people comes from a genuine interest in cuisine or the inability to think beyond gender-defined roles. This experience with my mother made me realize how big a role gender plays in defining roles for an individual in our society.

Arriving at Seva Mandir, I was initially unable to decide on my project for the coming months with the organization, but I was sure of working closely with women. Udaipur Urja Initiatives (UUI), an FPO started by Seva Mandir, provides income opportunities to women from some of the remote hinterlands of Southern Rajasthan. I got the perfect opportunity I was in search of and thus began my journey of engaging with women coming from the most adverse of conditions imaginable - geographic, economic and social.

I got a better perspective about their everyday challenges by closely interacting with them which allowed me to design my project based on their needs, to help these mothers and wives become independent entrepreneurs. Asperities of adversity are hard to keep up but a determined being can fight through anything, irrespective of the fact that this being is a woman. Working alongside them gave me strength and hope.

Strength to move ahead and hope that as women, given a chance we can do more besides the usual 'chores'. I came here with a preconceived idea, that I am here 'to help.  However, every passing day while working with the community has given me more than I could return. Every meeting and interaction came with lessons - from a simple recipe of ‘Makki ka saag’ to the tale of how Kamala Devi defied all the odds to send her daughter to college. They taught me tricks for the kitchen, fed me like their own daughter and narrated tales from the village. It was empowering to know how they had conquered their battles to be where they are now.

They would often tell me how brave it was of me to leave my home and live alone in a village and how I motivated them to send their daughters, same my age, for further studies or even to work. One does not have to move a mountain to make a difference, at times mere presence can bring that change. The truth is, it was them who motivated me. Their drive, enthusiasm and curiosity to learn kept me going. Their undying spirit of wanting to move ahead without letting go of their roots had brought me back to mine. In 13 months of engagement with UUI and the women, I witnessed the toil, the mundanity, a few troubles and not to forget a pandemic! But nothing can compare to the simple happiness and pride I have felt sitting cross-legged with the women of the community. 

Bravery and courage can come in many forms, this time it was smiling from behind a pallu shining bright like silver on their nath. 

SEPTEMBER, 2020.